Monday, December 12, 2011

Through Her Mother's Eyes





When my daughter was dying in hospice, I knew we had such little time. I also knew that I could not take her to all the places to see all the things I, Luis and my other children had seen, so I went and bought huge sheets of canvas, taped them around her room and started painting scenes of things we had seen. We played noises of the Serengeti as we painted and talked about the lions, we talked of swimming in the Mediterranean as we painted the sea, so many things we painted all over the room. we read a lot of stories of the places depicted in the pictures. The nurse came in every week, she watched as we did all of this, she encouraged it, she said she was an outsider looking in as our family journeyed from one place to another in that bedroom.

Then Elly died. September 11, 2003 she died in mine and Luis arms. I left the paintings up in her room as the equipment company came and picked up small pieces of Elly's life here and there. I left everything in place as the nurse came to go through and pick up the things that could be donated to someone else. She then told me that there was a silent auction going on to benefit children in hospice. She thought it was too soon to approach me, but if I wish to donate one of Elly's paintings in her memory, it was two weeks away. I told her I would think about it. I never thought they were good enough. I had always painted for pleasure only, the fact that others would see my work was very scary for me.

Three days before the auction, I called. I asked if it was too late, and it wasn't I was told. I took a paintbrush that afternoon and painted Elly's name in every one of the paintings. She inspired my work, she should be a part of it. I gave one of my paintings the next day, still a little wet and told them Elly's name was buried somewhere within. I would reveal where it was the night of the auction. I really did not expect it to bring in much, but it was a tribute for my daughter.

The night of the auction came, and as I walked into the room I felt uncomfortable. My daughter had been dead all of two weeks and I was somewhat emotional but held it together. I walked around looking at all of the things that were in the auction and even bid on a few. Then I stopped to look at my painting, a small picture of Elly stuck in the corner. It would be gone in a few hours, forever lost. As I stood there some women came by and I listened as they told my story to one of the other ladies there. They told her how a mother took her dying daughter around the world with her paintings. They told her of Elly's name being in the painting. They looked for it. No one found it. Then one of them proceeded to tell me the story. No one knew I was the mother of whom they were speaking. This happened many times through the evening and I was thrilled that Elly's story had been told over and over. Everyone knew Elly though they had never met her.

Time came for bidding to end. I had not really paid attention through the evening at how much the painting was going for. They started naming off winners and much to my surprise my painting was the most coveted thing in that room! That painting went for 2,400.00! Then they revealed the painter, me. The room fell silent, no one knew the painter had been there all along. They asked me to come forward and tell my story of Elly. As I walked to the podium, I heard thunderous applause. As I turned to face my audience I saw that I had my first standing ovation! It was invigorating! I gave a very short speech and left the stage. I donate a painting every year now, whether I am there or not. I have been their guest speaker a total of 6 times over the past 9 years. Word of Elly spread all over the state in which we lived. people would actually seek out my paintings. I had a few gallery shows in Little Rock. I never went any further than that. I have sold a few over the years, but nothing has ever felt as good as donating them to causes I find worthy. All I ask is that they tell my Elly's story. I am still amazed at how many lives have been touched by a little girl who saw the world from her bedroom. The inspiration of a little girl who taught us the true meaning and feeling of LOVE! If you click on the picture, it will enlarge, look close below the back leg of the female lion and you can see Elly's name. There are other paintings, I took my little girl every where I could in that bedroom. She saw the world through her mother's eyes!

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Fuck U.S. Customs and Border Patrol!

Fuck them all! What, do they take a class called "Being an ass to all American citizens 101"? I think they not only take it as a class, I think it is a year long course and they award prizes to those who come up with the nastiest, most sadistic ways to harass and terrorized U.S. citizens and anyone else they can get their hands on at the border. I think they specialize it it!

Let us not forget, it is our tax dollars that pay their salary. Let us not forget that I have tried like hell to be nice to them, I am finished being nice. "I am not required to be nice to you lady." he says, well heads up there fuckhead, I am not required to be nice to your either! Put a cork in it and do your search and send me on my way without the nasty remarks about who I am married to and what a loser he must be, he is more of a man than you will ever be pencil dick!

I understand them stopping and asking required questions as I cross into the U.S. but when I am crossing back into Mexico, I will leave that up to Mexican Customs to do their job, trust me, these guys do not need your help you self righteous bastards!

EVERY TIME I cross over approx. 8 of these wannabes surround my truck as if I am some drug lord. Never mind they saw me cross yesterday, and the day before yesterday, and everyday since then. They ask, "Do you have more than $10,000. on you right now?" Now I ask, if I had that kind of money, would I be living in this cesspool we call Nuevo Laredo? REALLY? Use some common sense! "Why do you live there?" Because my husband lives there. "why does he live there?" because he is a MX citizen. "Why are you married to him?" Here is where it becomes weird for me. I so want to answer "Because he has a huge dick!" but I don't. I really do not know how to answer that one. Why am I married to him? Because I love him. So their next question, I shit you not, is "Why him?" I answer, "because he is better than you! Are we finished yet?" Now I am told that I am being rude. One man leans into the window into my face and ask, "Are you getting mad?" Mad?! You mother fucker, you have not seen mad!!!! I take names, oh yes, their names are on their badges and if they are not, I ask. I report every one of them. If they can not remember me driving over that fucking border everyday, then they will remember me as "That bitch that reports every move we make" and you can bet I will! You will be sick of me, hate me by the time I am finished. You will be glad to give my husband his green card just to get my ass out of Nuevo Laredo and away from you.

Why do I live there? well pencil dick, let me tell you, if you silly shit would not keep deporting, or making laws impossible for our spouses to live with, we wouldn't fucking HAVE to live there! Maybe I want to live there, ever think about that?! I think next time I will take the 'Leo approach' and start asking them questions.
"why are you going to Mexico?"
"Why are YOU going to Mexico?"
"Have you got over 10,000USD?"
"Have YOU got over 10,000USD?"
"Where do you live?"
:Where do YOU live?"

Let's see how they feel being asked the same questions over and over again. I mean, they have heard my answers 100 times over! Looks like they would know me by now. must be fun to harass the white, handicapped, woman. Yes, they actually told me they pulled me over every time because I am white. They find it odd that a white woman would choose to live in MX. "That's OK, I find it odd that a Mexican would choose to betray his own people for a country that will never appreciate him, so I guess we're even." For that my husband also says "FUCK YOU!"