Dear Next Door Neighbor....

I know Saturday and Sunday are the only days you have off to work your land, but they are the only days my husband and I have off as well. Revving up your tractor three weekends in a row on both Saturday and Sunday at 7:00am is becoming very old. I also realize you have no life outside of that 10 acres you just bought next to our land, the heavens know with that insipid personality of yours, you will more than likely never get laid, but there are those of us who do stay up late on Friday nights or Saturday nights to do just that, after the kiddos have gone to sleep.

So let me give you a piece of advise you rude bastard: do not start that tractor tomorrow morning when the Sunday sky starts to shine. Do yourself a huge favor and go to church and pray to that god you claim is so good to you. though I can't see this being true seeing that your 45 years old and having never seen a tit, let alone been laid! Find something quiet to do. Watch some boob tube, read the paper, sleep in for pity sake! sit back and have a nice cup of joe, because come tomorrow morning, if you start that fucking tractor before 10:00am in the morning, I am going to personally come over to your property, knock you off the damn thing and pull your ball sack stretching it tightly up between your legs until you groan in tremendous pain. Then I will snap your sack like a rubber band so hard your balls will thump you in your nerdy screwed up face. Then you will have no choice but to turn off the damn tractor, and go in your house and soak your painful balls in a bowl of ice. Can you say tea bagging a bowl of Ice?!

Go ahead, turd make my day!